Painful Goodbyes
by leian
Summary: If there was one thing Sesshoumaru regretted, it was this. He would always wonder if things had been meant to turn out the way they did. [One shot]


**Summary**: If there was one thing Sesshoumaru regretted, it was this. He would always wonder if things had been _meant_ to turn out the way they did.  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its elements. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.  
**Warning**: Spoilers for Movie 3.

- _**Painful Goodbyes** -_

As he retraced his steps to the icy beach, he vacillated between annoyance and an unreasoning, unshakeable dread. Picking up the trail, he set off after the one he had followed faithfully all his life.

It was easy –– heart-wrenchingly so –– to map the path his father's passage; blood marked every step. And soon a second scent permeated the air; smoke.

So when he came to the rocky promontory that gave him the view of the valley below, he was not surprised to find smoldering ruins where once a human palace had sat. His father's work; beneath the acrid smell of smoke, the scent trail led down there and no human fire could have razed the walls around the palace to rubble.

He scanned the devastation once but did not see the figure in white, blue and maroon. The earlier unease returned twice as strong, chilling him. Shoving aside the irrational emotion, he leapt off the cliff and glided down to the scorched earth below.

Bits of glass and wood crunched beneath his feet but he paid it no mind, searching for signs of his father's whereabouts. He came to a spot where that familiar scent lingered... and the trail ended.

Sesshoumaru felt cold. His father could not have possibly...

He felt the muscles of his face stiffen, immovable as granite. He had to get out of this infernal smoke; he was not thinking properly.

Looking around, he spotted the charred remains of a guard captain's helm. _Setsuna no Takemaru_, he surmised. _Did my honorable father finally put you in your place? I hope so._

To his left, the palace's western wall was still standing. His father's strike must have been aimed east. There would be nothing of interest in _that_ direction; everything would have been blasted to a crisp.

He turned west.

As he passed the palace wall, a sharp wail of a newborn pierced his hearing.

His brows knitted in the faintest of frowns, his mouth pinched. He drifted in the direction of the sound and soon a freshening breeze confirmed his guess; it was the human woman his father had bound himself to. And with her was another that smelled altogether wrong; one that was neither human nor _youkai_ but possessed hints of both.

Following the path, he came upon the woman kneeling in the snow beneath the evergreens. She clutched a wriggling bundle swaddled in the bright red of the Fire Rat Robe. The bundle let out another wail and again, Sesshoumaru felt chills.

Silvery white hair and furred ears; it was an abomination.

Sesshoumaru would have killed it in an instant if he thought his father would not exact revenge for the deed.

The thought stuttered, faltered. _His father..._

The woman was crying; he could smell the salt of her tears. If his father were alive, he would be here and the woman would not be weeping.

His father, Sesshoumaru realized with a sinking feeling, would not be exacting revenge from him or anyone else.

_His father was dead._

The revelation – the admittance – nearly staggered him.

His father had been injured by the dragon, true, but surely the wounds had not been _that_ significant, surely his body had healed itself, surely the humans had not managed to—

_His father was dead._

The reiteration cut off his inane denial and his thoughts settled like dried leaves released by an eddy.

His father was dead, he acknowledged, and drew fury over him to keep out debilitating grief. He had no right to mourn.

_Would you kill me, your father?_

His father's words struck at him, biting deep.

Yes, he would have fought the most powerful _inugami_ for the two swords of power and the titles of _oyakata_ and _daiyoukai_ – might even have slain him in doing so, but—

But it would not have been the same, somehow. His father, slain by his own hand, would still be near him, in mind and spirit, if not in body.

This... undignified dying of battle wounds left untended to save a worthless _hanyou_ whelp and its mother—

A more ignoble end, Sesshoumaru could not conceive.

Looking down at the top of the woman's head as she rocked her child and keened softly, mourning the passing of her lord, he tasted bitterness.

_Do you have something to protect?_

Had that question not been asked, how differently things would have been. Had that question not been asked, his proud renunciation would not have forged a rift between them. Had that question not been asked, he would have been at his father's side when he died.

_Did you intend for this to happen, chichi-ue? The one time I do not follow, you go to a place I cannot follow._

The fault was shared: his father should not have baited him, much less gone off on his own while stung pride refused to let his son go with him.

Sesshoumaru should not have risen to the bait.

Hindsight was ever perfect.

And the most painful goodbyes were those left unsaid.

- _end -_

**Thanks for reading! **Leave a note to let me know you were here. It means a lot. For those with a FFN account, don't forget to sign in before commenting so that I can reply to you!

**Glossary:**  
_chichi-ue_ - Father, possessive/personal  
_daiyoukai_ - Great demon  
_hanyou_ - The product of a union between a youkai and a human.  
_inugami_ - Dog spirit of Japanese myth.  
_oyakata_ - Clan leader  
_youkai_ - Creatures in Japanese folklore. Some possess part animal and part human features. Generally have a sort of spiritual or supernatural power.


End file.
